My life, as I prepare for Yule

My husband and I are moving this weekend, so I haven't blogged here in a few days.  I apologize.  Life is just a bit crazy.  We're planning to be out of our apartment by the end of the day on Sunday, so we have a lot to do between now and then.  And I'll be doing a lot of meditation to help keep me grounded and at peace, and to not let the hectic-ness and anxiety of everything get to me.

Fortunately, once we get settled, I'll be back to some semblance of a normal life and I'll be back to blogging regularly.  There's a lot I want to explore as I learn and read about Wicca and Paganism.  And though my new living situation will be a little difficult to adjust to (even if it's only going to be briefly), it will provide me an opportunity to continue to learn and grow.  That's invaluable to me.

I posted a few days ago about the results of my first candle spell (well, really, my first spell ever).  I didn't give any details, really, but I can tell a little more now.

My candle spell was an "easy" one.  I charged the candle and spoke with the Goddess as I lit it, then meditated as the candle burned down.  Once it did, I left it on my altar for a couple of days, and every time I saw it, I was reminded of my intention and took a moment or two to meditate again on the issue.

Afterward, I spent a lot of time thinking about it, wondering how it would play out.  There was part of me that was sure it wouldn't work simply because it was my first spell.  I told myself I don't know enough to do spell working effectively.  But, there was also a big part of me that said it would work because spell working is so often about intention, and I was incredibly clear on my intent.  In fact, my meditation during the spell working lasted quite a bit longer than I expected.  (I ended up meditating for over an hour!)

Then, I got very clear confirmation that my spell was successful.  At first, I was ecstatic about the issue, but after the initial excitement faded a bit, I realized that this was the issue my spell was dealing with, and I was ecstatic that it worked!  It made me feel more confident about spell working, and I'm really looking forward to my next spell working!

Because our home situation is changing right before Yule (and Hubby's Catholic family will be in town for Christmas), I haven't decided how I'm going to celebrate the Sabbat.  For Samhain I did a ritual, but I don't know that I'd be able to cast a circle and do a full ritual for Yule this year.  So I'm going to see, once I get in our space, how I can modify the ritual I have, or decide if I want to write a new ritual that will accommodate the situation.

For now, though, I need to concentrate on packing, I think.

--

(Photo source)

It worked!

I got confirmation yesterday that my candle spell worked!

Meme

I've been tagged by Granamyr over at The Pagan Page, so here goes.

The rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on his or her blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

The randomness:

1. I had chicken pox twice when I was a child, and I don't remember either time.
2. My favorite color is green, as long as it's not neon green.  I hate neon green.
3. I would eat corned beef and cabbage every day if I could.
4. All the pets my family and I have ever had were adopted or strays that we took in.
5. I love going on cruises and being in the middle of the ocean at night when it's so dark you can't see the horizon and you feel so small it's almost overwhelming.
6. I may be pregnant. (Squee!)

The tags:

1. Mrs. B of Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom
2. Pagan Dad
3. Randlin of Between the Ticks
4. Unbalanced Libra of The Journey to Here
5. Farm-Witch
6. ~Witchy Mama~

It's Official...

Hubby & I are moving in with his parents for a little while, just until we can have a more stable financial foundation.

It will be interesting, considering Hubby's parents are devoutly Catholic and I am...less so, but it'll be fine.  It will definitely take some pressure off, will allow Hubby to focus on getting healthy, and will give me a little more free time.

In other news, I found a necklace I'd love to have, so I'm making Hubby get it for me for Yule (well, we're celebrating a traditional Christmas with family).  Or I'll buy it anyway, and he can find something else to give me.  Nearly all the jewelry I have is Christian, and while I still wear the medallion for the patron saint of writers occasionally, I'd really love to have at least one Pagan necklace to wear.  (That site also has an athame I'd really like to have!)

This is going to be an interesting couple of weeks as Hubby & I move and get settled at his parents' house.  Hopefully, we'll both be a lot more relaxed by Yule.

Travel is Possible

Hubby, fur babies, and I may be moving.  There's an apartment complex nearby that has a rent that's more reasonable for our living situation, so if the numbers fall into place as they're supposed to, we'll be packing everything up and moving down the road.

I'm conflicted about it.  The initial cost of moving is a bit high, but in the long run it would be a better solution for us.  Not only that, I feel like the change in location would give us a much-needed fresh start with a lot of the stress in our lives.  It would also (again: in the long run) get us in a better place financially.

We'll know more tomorrow about whether or not this move will be financially feasible.  Until then, I guess there's nothing I can really do.

My First Candle Spell

Yesterday I did a spell I wrote on Thanksgiving.  It's my first spell (both writing and working), and I'm eager to see how it will play out.

It was a candle spell.  I love working with candles, so it only made sense for me to use a candle in my first spell.  I feel like I put a lot of thought into it, but the self-doubt in me is wondering if I should've spent more time writing it, or if I worked it properly.  I know I put my intention into the spell, which was the point of working it.

I know I need to be confident in my skills.  If I always doubt whether or not something will work, it never will.  I need to believe I can do it.  And as for whether or not this spell will work...well...I have to start somewhere.  If I wait until I "know enough" to work magic, I know I'll never feel ready.  There's always more to learn.

I think in this case, learning by doing is a good method.  Most people I've talked to have said magic either works and you know it, or it fizzles out.  I don't foresee any huge backfiring of this spell.

I'm also trying not to think too much about it because I don't want my thinking/watching to change how I view signs that may come about from the spell.  I want the spell to reveal itself.  It's sort of the same thing as thinking you're going to get a cold, then you start feeling sick.  I don't want to convince myself of anything one way or another.

We'll see how the spell goes.  I'll definitely report back on it!

"Nature" is what we see (668)

"Nature" is what we see--

The Hill--the Afternoon--

Squirrel--Eclipse--the Bumble bee--

Nay--Nature is Heaven--

Nature is what we hear--

The Bobolink--the Sea--

Thunder--the Cricket--

Nay--Nature is harmony--

Nature is what we know--

Yet have no heart to say--

So impotent Our Wisdom is

To her Simplicity.

--Emily Dickinson

Today's Horoscope

This is my horoscope for today:

These past years have forced you to do some very deep self-analysis. A slow and powerful transformation is underway now that will force you to become more serious about your life's purpose. There's no need to consider any immediate changes in your overall path, but don't try to escape the inevitable. A shift in your long-term goals may be unavoidable, yet it should be a major improvement if you take it slowly and deliberately.

I'm not sure what this is referring to exactly.  Hubby and I are trying to get pregnant with our first child, so it could be that, but I'm also trying to make a living as a full time writer, so perhaps it's referring to my writing career.  (I have been getting lots of work lately.)  I guess we'll have to see how it plays out.

My Book of Shadows

I've sort of finished my Book of Shadows.  There's still quite a bit I'd like to add, but for now, I've got the basics.  I haven't decided what, if anything, will go on my title page.  Right now there's nothing on it.  I may leave it that way until I'm ready to do my self-dedication rite.  Then I'll put my Craft name on it and perhaps something else.

I have lots of reference-type information I've gathered recently that I'm going to add to my journal/mirror book.  That's stuff like magical associations with days of the week, information about the Elements, meditation techniques, etc.  It's all the information that I need as background information for my BOS stuff to be effective.  I know a lot of people keep all that stuff with their spells and rituals in the BOS, but for my purposes, especially right now, it will be good to keep things organized like that.  Especially since, once I'm more familiar with all that background stuff, I won't need to refer to it as much.

My next step for my BOS is to start adding recipes, herb lore, runic alphabet, and things like that.  I may get a full astrology chart made and include that, as well.  I also have some quotes, poetry, and songs I'd like to add, but I know I'll need to stop by a scrapbooking store to get more pages for that, and I'd rather get the recipes and things in my BOS first.

It was suggested to me that I should include information for adding people to my circle or coven information "just in case," but I haven't decided if I want to do that or not.  Sometime down the road maybe I will find like-minded people to join with me in circle and/or start a coven, but for right now, I'm happy to be learning as a solitary Witch.  I don't want to get too ahead of myself and start a coven on a power trip or something like that.  That's not why I'm studying.

My Personality

Your Personality is the Rarest (INFJ)

Your personality type is introspective, principled, self critical, and sensitive. Only about 2% of all people have your personality - including 3% of all women and around 1% of all men. You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

You're Going to Hell!...But First Will You Do This Spell for Me?

It amazes me how quickly people change their minds about things when it suits them.

There are people I know who are "praying for me" since they've found out I've been learning Tarot and Wicca.  They don't understand why I'd turn away from the church and away from the Christian God to a Pagan religion.

And yet, when they want to know something or they've had a dream they don't understand or they want a spell done for them, they turn to me.  They don't pray for the answers (well, they may, but they still come to me) or read the Bible for divination.  They ask me to do a Tarot reading or they ask if I know what their dream means or if I'll cast a spell so they get a job or whatever.  That just figures, doesn't it?

People just change their beliefs and values to suit their needs.  Sort of "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live"...unless she can do something for you.

If you think I'm going to hell, fine.  I can live with that.  But think that all the time.  Don't pretend everything's fine between us when you need something from me.

/rant

Reading and Learning and Reading

I'm so grateful to have a library system that allows me to read a great list of Pagan/Wiccan books!  I recently received and read books by Dorothy Morrison and Raymond Buckland that I found incredibly helpful!  I've started keeping a list of things to include in my Book of Shadows.  Quotes, recipes, spells... yay!  I'm enjoying learning so much!

I've had a bit of a breakthrough with my Tarot deck, as well.  I did a reading for Hubby and instead of trying to remember the interpretations of the cards to tell me what his reading was, I let the cards tell me more.  I looked at them and went with my gut and didn't worry about the picture that was on the card, or whether the card was upside down or right side up or whatever.  And I felt a much stronger connection with the cards than I have until this point.  It was wonderful!

I knew people said I needed to let my intuition tell me what the cards were saying, but I didn't fully understand what they meant, and I figured I needed a foundation of meaning first.  But I get it now.  And I'm much more excited about reading now!  Hooray!

The Moon

The moon was beautiful tonight when Hubby and I ran out to get pizza.  It was still low in the sky and a golden color--somewhere between orange and yellow.  I wish I could've stood outside all night just watching it.

I did attempt to get a few photos of it, but the camera I have isn't professional quality, so they didn't really turn out well.  (When I upload them I'll see if any work for posting to give you an idea of the beauty of the moon tonight.)

I love seeing the moon at night, especially when the sky is so clear.  I wish our apartment had windows on the opposite side so I could see the moon from our bedroom.  We're hoping to move into a two-bedroom in the next year or so, so I'll be paying attention to which way the windows face when we look for our two-bedroom.  It would be wonderful to be able to open the curtains at night and have moonlight flooding into our bedroom or my office or the living room.

For now, I'll happily peek outside at night to wave hello to the moon.

Blessed Be!

A Step Out of the Broom Closet

My husband's parents are Catholic.  They don't go to Confession or pray the Rosary every night (that I'm aware), but they do attend Mass every week, and adhere to the dogma of the Catholic Church.

Hubby and I haven't attended Mass in quite a long time now, though we've only recently started practicing Wicca/Paganism.  Well, his parents attended Mass this evening and afterward called Hubby.  They asked when we were going to go to Mass again, and told him he needs to believe in something.  When he told them we've been practicing at home and that we do, in fact, believe in something they didn't believe him.  They all but called him a liar.  So he said that we have been exploring religion at home, and mentioned that we're studying Wicca.

My jaw dropped.

It's not that I don't want them to know, but I know how his parents are, and I don't want to cause unnecessary stress because of something that's really none of their business to begin with.  I didn't think he'd ever want to tell them, to be honest, and since we're solitary practitioners, it didn't need to be told.  (I haven't told my family yet.  I know my mom will be much more laid back, but I'm just not ready to tell them yet.  When the time is right, I will.)

I'm not sure what his parents are going to think now, or how they'll act.  I don't know whether they'll tell my mother-in-law's parents, who are devoutly Italian Catholic, or how the holidays will be (will they expect us to go to Christmas Mass?).

To be honest, part of me is relieved that they know, no matter how they're going to react.  (Maybe they'll stop pushing us to attend Mass.)  I feel like there's this important part of my life I've been careful to hide, and maybe now I don't have to anymore.

I won't, of course, throw it in their faces that I'm Wiccan.  I won't wear a huge pentacle necklace at Christmas dinner (I wouldn't wear a huge pentacle necklace anyway), I won't say a protection spell out loud before going into their home, and I'll never, never argue about their faith.

Spirituality is a very personal thing, and I would never ridicule someone for their spiritual practices.  After all, who's to say mine is better?  It's just different.  We're all different people, and we all need different things, spiritually.  I won't discount their spiritual path, and I hope they won't discount mine.

I guess I won't need to hide my altar when they come over now.

Book of Shadows

I'm working on pretty-ing up my Book of Shadows.

I knew I wanted to use a scrapbook for my BOS, and originally, I simply wrote everything out and put it in so I could have everything together.  Now that I have a framework of my BOS, though, I'd like to make it prettier, so I'm making it look more like a scrapbook than it originally looked.  It's going quickly, and the embellishment papers I got go well with the album's cover design, as well as with what I want to do with the pages.  It's very earthy-looking, and I'm able to use colors and design to suggest what the page is about (for example, the page that tells how to cast a circle has circle designs on it).  I think it's working well.

The great thing about the scrapbook album I'm using is that it'll be very easy to add pages, as well as rearrange things if I need to as I continue to practice, deepen my spiritual beliefs, and share information with fellow Pagans/Wiccans.

I'm also thinking about adding a section in which to put poems, quotes, stories, etc.  I know lots of people have little tidbits in their Books of Shadows of things that are important to them, things they've read that struck them and they want to remember.  So I'm going to do the same.  I love reading, so I think I'll need a whole section for quotes and stuff in my Book of Shadows.

I'll post pictures of my BOS when I've finished with the pages I'm working on this week.  It's already turning out beautifully, and I think personalizing it like this will help me have an even stronger connection to my Book than simply hand writing it.

Blessed Be!

Another Step on the Path

Well, after Samhain, Hubby and I got a little busy.  Then NaNoWriMo started, and I've been even busier!

I've been reading Drawing Down the Moon by Margot Adler.  I'm not very far into it, but it's already been quite helpful in my reading and research of Wicca and witchcraft.  I'm borrowing it from the library, but I'm hoping to get my own copy soon.  It seems like the type of book I'd like to refer back to frequently.

And when I read books like this, it helps me see that I'm making the right decision in my spiritual path.  Yes, I know I still have a lot to learn, and I'll tweak my practice over the years, but I know I'm finally on the right path.  I feel like I've come home spiritually.

There's so much of what I'm learning about Wicca that I already believe, and now I just have a name for it instead of keeping it to myself because it didn't fit the Christianity I practiced.  Wicca just makes sense to me.  It blends all I believe and throws some really great things into it to deepen the spiritual path.  It's absolutely wonderful.

I've also been trying to learn more about Tarot.  I've been doing readings as often as I can, and I find myself developing a bit of intuition when it comes to the interpretations of the cards.  This is a good thing.  I'm becoming quite a bit more comfortable in the readings, and I'm beginning to see how the cards fit together to give a picture of what the seeker needs to know from the Universe.  I love Tarot.

I would still like a set of Ogham staves.  I found a pretty set that's pretty much within my budget that looks very nice, so I'll probably either get that set, or make one of my own.  My apprehension with making a set of my own is that I would probably have to use dowels or something like that, and I'd rather have a set that's made from quality wood with the symbols burned in, and sealed to prevent damage.  So I'm going to think about it a little longer before I make my decision.  I have to have a connection with these staves, and I don't want to just decide in a hurry to get them and then not feel a connection with them.

I'm looking forward to the Full Moon Rite I'm going to do; I've invited Hubby to join me.  I don't know if he will or not, but he knows he's always welcome.  This will be my first Esbat celebration, so I'm really looking forward to it.  Afterward, maybe Hubby and I will take a walk and be out in Nature for a while, and let the power of the moon energize us for the next month.

Blessed Be!

Have a Blessed Samhain!

Tonight, my husband will be joining me in a Samhain ritual.  I think it will be beneficial to him; he had to say goodbye to a much beloved pet this week, and we'll be remembering this pet at our ritual tonight.

I hope it goes well.

I'll post tomorrow.

What's in the cards?

I'm beginning to feel much more connected to my Tarot Deck lately.  I have a Robin Wood deck, and I do readings frequently, as well as just go through the cards to see what my intuition tells me about the cards.  It's helping.

There are still some cards whose meanings are unclear to me, but I'm learning.  Sometimes when I do a reading, I'll write in my mirror book what the cards mean.  Physically writing it helps me remember better.

I know that a lot of Tarot is intuition.  What are the cards saying to me?  And it's those intuition interpretations I need to work on.  As I learn more about the Tarot and gain a stronger connection with the deck, I know I'll feel more comfortable with readings.

I'd like to get a reading done by someone more experienced at some point.  When I do a reading for myself, I feel like I'm kind of bumbling through the reading to learn the answer to my question.  Someone with more experience can give me a better sense of a situation, and then I can also learn more about how to interpret the cards if I see them being read and interpreted.

WCRF

I put in my application for membership with the Wiccan Religious Cooperative of Florida today.

The organization offers a connection with other Pagans, classes, public Sabbats, and many ways to be involved with the local Wiccan/Pagan community.  I think this is the connection I need as a solitary practitioner.

I've heard there is usually good turn-out for the Sabbats through WRCF, so it would be a way for me to make friends with local Pagans, and, at the very least, get out of the house from time to time.  Working from home is wonderful, but I get a bit of cabin fever occasionally.  This could be just the thing I need.

Blessed Be!

Seeking Connections

I've been thinking a lot about the journey ahead of me as I learn about Wicca.  I know there are a lot of people who believe I will never be a Wiccan unless I'm initiated by a Wiccan.

Do I need that recognition?  Do I want it?

I'm not one of those people who is smashing ideologies together and calling myself an eclectic Wiccan the way many people do.  I'm not using it as an umbrella term for my beliefs.  Instead, I've been researching Wicca and have found that much of the teachings readily available fall in with what I already hold as my own beliefs and values.

So do I feel the need to go through the initiation process to be recognized as a Wiccan by other Wiccans?

Right now, not really.  I have no problem with saying I'm a solitary practitioner of Wiccan teachings instead of saying "I'm a Wiccan."  Or, for that matter, saying I'm a Pagan with Wiccanesque leanings.  Being initiated will not change my beliefs or how I practice them.  And right now, I would like to spend time learning on my own before I learn under someone else's beliefs.  There are many places from which I've received reading suggestions (reputable places, I might add), that I won't want for information for quite some time.

I'm not saying I'll never seek initiation.  However, at this point, I'm happy in my spiritual path.  I'm happy to be reading and studying on my own.  I have a mirror book, I'm creating my Book of Shadows, and found a wonderful organization in my area that can help me make connections with other Wiccans/Pagans in my area.  I haven't decided yet if I'd like to become a member, particularly since I'm so early on my path, but I've registered for the forums, and I may attend a Sabbat with the organization.

Right now, I feel like this is all I need.

Blessed Be!

Full Moon

A couple of nights ago, Hubby and I walked to get our mail a little late at night.  It was quiet and cool and there were very few clouds in the sky.  I looked up and saw the full moon, and it was gorgeous.

I've always loved the moon, but last night felt different.  As I looked up at the bright, white orb hanging in the black sky, I could feel energy welling up inside me.  I could feel myself becoming refreshed and cleansed while I walked outside, and I couldn't keep myself from looking up at the moon.

The moon is representative of the Goddess, and when I picture the Goddess, I see Her walking along a rocky beach under a full moon and clear night sky.  Seeing the moon last night made me feel much more closely connected with the Goddess.  I'd have stayed outside for the rest of the night if I could have.  I wanted to just breathe in the moonlight as long as I could.

It was a unique experience for me, and one that I'll never forget.

Blessed Be!

First, Faltering Steps

I am exploring Wicca as a spiritual path for myself.  I've only just begun my research and practice of it, and I know I have quite a lot of reading and research to do before I'll begin to feel comfortable with the practice.

I was raised in a Christian home, but over the years became increasingly unhappy with the patriarchal lack of explanation I received from the pulpit, so I'm on a new spiritual path.  This one is one of my own making.

I know many Wiccans believe one can't be Wiccan unless initiated by a coven, and perhaps I'll seek a coven to join once I've done quite a bit more research, but spirituality is a very personal thing, and--at least for now--I need to make my own way.

I recently bought and read Scott Cunningham's Wicca: a Guide for the Solitary Practitioner and Living Wicca: a Further Guide for the Solitary Practitioner.  I feel both were a good way to "get my feet wet" in the religion, though I can understand others' complaints that Cunningham's works are a bit "fluffy."  A great deal of Wicca has to do with balance, and I felt these books were unbalanced, favoring the light side of the religion.

My next stop is Raymond Buckland.  I have a couple of books from the library I should have soon, and I'll be going through those, as well.

I ordered a Robin Wood Tarot Deck for myself, as well.  Tarot has always fascinated me, so I ordered a deck and I've been doing at least one reading just about every day.  Hubby has let me read for him, as has my sister-in-law (who is also interested in Wicca).  I feel like I'm developing a connection with the cards already, and I'm starting to learn the interpretations of the cards.

I know I have a lot to learn, but I'm excited about the research and reading, and I'm ecstatic to be on a path that finally makes sense to me!

Blessed Be!